I am not going to lie to you—I love numbing out. When a wave of feelings comes my way, I take one look, say “Nope,” and reach for my TV remote control Or hit the cinema Or indulge in food Or lash out at whoever comes near. Whatever can shelter me from the storm of depression, anxiety, loneliness, anger, guilt, hurt, or whatever emotions I do not feel like dealing with at the moment.
I know well that this isn’t a great coping mechanism—in fact, I know it is often a majorly counterproductive one.
When you are busy numbing out your feelings, your feelings are in the other room doing push-ups. Then, when you are done smoking weed (haha included that for fun! and No, I did not smoke weed! ;) ) or watching Netflix or whatever you were doing to numb out, and you walk into the other room, you are like, Wait a minute. These feelings are worse than they were before. That is because you gave them all that time and space to do push-ups.
So what is the alternative?
Emotions signal threats and rewards. Much like a compass that guides us in the right direction, emotions have the power to guide us to the right actions.
For example, when a child commits a mistake, he might get scared and lie to his parents about it, or avoid confronting them for fear of punishment.
His parents may eventually discover what their child did and the child, in all probability will end up facing the same consequences that he was trying to avoid. In this instance, listening and responding to the ‘fear’ emotion proved futile to the child.
However, the same emotion (fear) would have proven helpful for someone being chased by a wild animal in the forest. In that situation, running to avoid confronting the savage beast would have been the correct decision.
It is therefore crucial to judge when to trust emotional triggers and act on them, and when not to; in other words, it is essential for us to understand how to regulate or control our emotions so we could use them optimally.
In this article, we will discuss the psychology of emotional regulation – what it means, how we can cultivate it, and what methods we can choose to implement emotional management in real life.
What is Emotional Regulation? A Definition
“Emotional regulation refers to the process by which individuals influence which emotions they have, when they have them, and how they experience and express their feelings. Emotional regulation can be automatic or controlled, conscious or unconscious, and may have effects at one or more points in the emotion producing process.”
The definition of emotional regulation encompasses both positive and negative feelings, along with how we can strengthen them, use them, and control them.
Emotional regulation involves three components:
Initiating actions triggered by emotions.
Inhibiting actions triggered by emotions.
Modulating responses triggered by emotions.
Ideally, the third component is the best way to make the most of the regulatory processes.
Every day, we face hundreds of emotion-provoking stimuli, and most of them require some action or response from our end. It is only natural for the mind to get hooked into some negative contemplation or unmindfully ignore emotions after getting bombarded with so many stimuli every day.
Emotional regulation acts as a modifier; it helps us filter the most important pieces of information and motivates us to attend to it in a way that wouldn’t evoke stress or fear.
Studies on emotional regulation indicate that there is a significant positive correlation between emotion regulation and depression management. People with lower levels of anxiety show higher emotional control and social-emotional intelligence.
Research indicates that emotions are adaptive responses that have a deep-rooted basis in evolutionary biology (Levenson, 1999). The way we feel and interpret them affects how we think, how we decide, and how we coordinate our actions in day-to-day lives.
For example, a person who has poor emotion regulation strategies is more likely to fall prey to mood polarities; his actions and behavioral patterns would always be at the mercy of his emotions.
Quite the contrary, a well-regulated person, will have a better balance and judgment of his feelings and actions. Emotional regulation allows us to carefully judge which affective outcomes to embrace and which ones to avoid (Wegner, Erber, and Zanakos, 1983).
When we confront a provoking stimulus, the natural reaction of the brain is to activate the amygdala, a brain site that regulates the fight-or-flight responses (Lee, 2018). Emotional regulation processes allow us to buy time before we act on the fight or flight triggers.
Kris Lee, a Professor and the author of the book Mentalligence: A New Psychology of Thinking–Learn What It Takes to be More Agile, Mindful, and Connected in Today’s World says that with emotional regulation, we can allow the initial upsurge of emotions to settle down and zoom out of the situation before reacting to it.
The increased time gap between stimulus and response restores the mental faculties that involve rational thinking and reasoning. As a result, we can save ourselves from sudden emotional breakdowns or burnout.
6 Most Useful Emotional Regulation Skills for Adults
Self-regulation is all about pausing between feeling and reactions – it encourages us to slow down for a bit and act after objectively evaluating a situation. For example, a student who yells at others and hits his friends for petty reasons surely has less emotional control than a child who, before hitting or yelling, tells the teacher about his problems.
Another huge aspect of emotional regulation is value engagement. When we react impulsively without paying much attention to what is going on inside, we might often deviate from our core values and act in a way that is opposite to them. With proper regulation and self-control, we gain the power to stay calm under pressure and prevent ourselves from acting against our core values and ethics.
Here are some skills that can help in cultivating emotional regulation and sustaining it during challenging times in life.
1. Self-awareness
Noticing what we feel and naming it is a great step toward emotional regulation. For example, when you feel bad, ask yourself – Am I feeling sad, hopeless, ashamed, or anxious?
Give yourself some options and explore your feelings. Try to name the specific emotions that you can feel intensely within yourself at that very moment, and write it down if you want. You need not act or judge the cause and effect of your emotions at this stage; all you need is complete awareness of each feeling that is controlling your mind ‘right now.’
2. Mindful awareness
In addition to gaining thought awareness, mindfulness lets us explore and identify all aspects of the external world, including our body. Simple mindful exercises such as breath control or sensory relaxation can calm the storm inside and guide our actions in the right way.
3. Cognitive reappraisal
Cognitive reappraisal includes altering the way we think. It is an essential component of psychotherapies like CBT, DBT, and Anger Management, and calls for greater acceptance and flexibility.
Cognitive reappraisal skills may include practices such as thought replacement or situational role reversals, where we try to look into a stressful situation from a whole new perspective.
For example, we can replace thoughts like ‘My boss hates me’, ‘I am no longer needed here’, etc. with alternatives such as, ‘My boss is upset at this moment, I am sure I can make up for this’, or ‘I know I am hard working and honest, let me give it another try’, etc.. By doing so, we gain a broader and better perception of our problems and react to them with more positivity.
4. Adaptability
Emotional dysregulation lowers our adaptability to life changes. We become more prone to distractions and fail our coping mechanisms, which is why we often start resisting changes. A great exercise to build adaptability is objective evaluation.
For example, when you feel bogged down by stressful emotions that you want to avoid, and you might end up destructively reacting to them, take a moment to think what if your best friend was experiencing the same thing? What would you have suggested him to do under these circumstances? Write your answers if you want to and try to think if you are following the same steps for yourself!
5. Self-compassion
Setting aside some time for ourselves every day is a great way to build emotional regulation skills. Reminding ourselves of our talents and virtues, and letting our minds land on a flexible space can immensely change the way we feel and react to our emotions.
Some simple self-compassion hacks involve:
Daily positive self-affirmations
Relaxation and breath control
Compassion meditation
Regular self-care
Gratitude journaling
6. Emotional support
Psychologists believe that we all have the innate capacity to build a robust emotional repertoire and save our mental energy from getting invested in negativity. We can seek emotional support within ourselves by practicing mindful self-awareness or can seek help outside by engaging in positive communication with others.
It is okay to see a therapist, professional or a pranic healer when our inner coping fails; the sole focus is to create a positive emotional shield that can channelize our emotions to bring out the best in us.
What is Emotional Regulation Disorder?
As the name indicates, emotional regulation disorder is a condition of impaired or dysfunctional ability to regulate and manage emotions optimally. Emotional Dysregulation (ED) is a term mental health specialists use for emotional responses that are weakly managed and deviate from the accepted range of positive reactions.
The emotional regulation disorder is often manifested by symptoms such as:
Sudden and unexplained anger outbursts that get displaced to someone who did not cause any harm. May include passive-aggressive patterns of behavior.
Somatoform symptoms such as chronic pain and illness not caused by any medical condition and remain unexplained by medical professionals.
Self-destruction or self-harming behavior, including extreme thoughts of suicide.
Difficulty in building and maintaining healthy social relationships in personal and professional fields.
Attentional dysregulation, including the inability to focus on meaningful work because the mind is too occupied with negative thoughts and emotions.
Hypersensitivity and poor self-control.
The worst part of Emotion Regulation Disorder is that it mostly comes in association with other mental health issues such as depression, stress, or extreme mood polarities.
Emotional Regulation Activities & Exercises
1. Breathing exercises for emotional regulation
Three main breathing exercises help in modulating emotions:
Breath Counting – Where we sit calmly for a few seconds and slowly start counting. For example, you can count 5 to inhale and 7 to exhale. The goal of this exercise is to focus on our breathing and follow the counting as we inhale and exhale.
Breath Shifting – Here we place one hand on our chest and the other hand on our abdomen and notice how they rise and fall with each inhales and exhales. By doing so, we aim to see the difference between the chest and belly movement during breathing, and it helps in regaining focus into our bodies.
Breath Relaxation – Breath relaxation is the most basic breathing exercise and practically works well for any stress, anxiety, or emotional disorder. The practice is to sit back and take deep breaths with eyes closed, and continue doing so until we can feel the connection between our mind and body, and realize the stress and negativity are fading away with the deep breaths.
2. Exercise for emotional catharsis
The most significant problem of emotional dysregulation disorder is the inability to let go of emotions.
Even after realizing the inappropriateness of irrational thoughts, they find it hard to eliminate them from the mind (Dietz, 2012). Through emotional catharsis, which is a way of venting out the suppressed emotions, we can achieve the mental balance that we often seek.
The practice is simple and involves five easy steps:
Observing emotions as they are, without trying to change them at the first instance.
Trying to evaluate the experience and feelings that come with a particular emotion.
Acknowledging the fact that we are not our emotions. For example, if we are feeling sad, it doesn’t have to mean that we are depressed individuals. Emotions are just a state of mind; they come and go.
Naming the emotions aloud or writing them the way you feel it.
Talking about them to a friend, family, or therapist, without being afraid of judgment.
3. Mindfulness for emotions
We know that mindfulness is the art of living in the present moment. Practicing mindfulness helps us gaining awareness of our mind, body, and feelings. It builds a secure connection to the present and allows us to look at our thoughts and feelings from an objective and neutral perspective.
There are two types of mindfulness exercises that help in emotional regulation:
The ‘Acknowledgment’ Exercises – including careful observation, naming thoughts, and labeling emotions.
The ‘Implementation’ Exercises – including practices of thinking non-judgmentally, active and empathetic listening, effective communication, and self-expression.
4. Self-awareness techniques
Self-awareness, for the most of it, is a counterpart of mindfulness and is tied in with recognising one’s own emotions and the ways they affect us.
A great way to manage unhealthy emotions through self-awareness is the thought naming exercise, where we make a list of all the thoughts that are dominating our mind this very moment, the people or circumstances that we think may be causing them, and name the emotions in one or two words.
We can practice this as a daily self-help practice, and make a list like the one shown below:
1) What I am feeling right now?
2) What person / situation caused it?
3) How I responded to the situation / person?
4) What emotion/s did I feel at that point of time?
Pranic Psychotherapy Healing heals our emotional state
"Life Energy or prana is all around us. It is pervasive; we are actually in an ocean of Life Energy. Based on this principle, a healer can draw in Pranice Energy or Life Energy from the surroundings - Master Choa Kok Sui".
Pranic Healing is a highly evolved and tested system of energy medicine that utilizes prana to balance, harmonize and transform the body's energy processes. Prana is a Sankrit word that means life-force. This invisible bio-energy or vital energy keeps the body alive and maintains a state of good health.
The body is a self-repairing living entity that possesses the ability to heal itself and that the healing process is accelerated by increasing this life force that is readily available from the sun, air and earth to address physical and emotional imbalances. Pranic healers are trained to disintegrate the negative thought forms and emotions from the chakras in our energy bodies.
Pranice healing requires no drugs, gadgets, not even physical contact with the subject. Pranic healers work on our energy bodies, also called as bio-plasmic body and not directly on the physical body, This energy body is the mold / blueprint that surrounds and interpenetrates the physical body. It is the energy body that absorbs life energy and distributes it throughout the physical body, to the muscles, organs, endocrine system (glands) etc. Negative thoughts and emotions affects the normal chakras rotation and will cause it to malfunction. Hence then physical ailments first appear as energetic disruptions in the chakras before manifesting as problems in the physical body, In other words, this pervasive energy that surrounds, interpenetrates and sustains the physical body, also affects our emotions, our ability to handle stress, relationship and even finances.
I hope this article is able to help many in regulating their emotions successfully towards a healthy lifestyle and be able to enjoy life to the fullest.
Peace and Love to all 💞
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