Very few of us feel comfortable being our authentic self because we don’t see ourselves as remarkable.
Many of us do not realize that our authenticity is the one thing (more than anything) that makes us unique.
Give it a thought — when we visit a place/cities in the world, it would not take long before you realize what makes the place stands out. It can be the food, historic landmark, culture or the people. I find it surprising that the places we visit is able to capture our senses and leave an impression.
Let’s think of all the people in your life, your co-workers, your relatives, your friends, your acquaintances, how many of them truly left an impression on you? For most of us, the answer is, very Few.
After a pillow talk with my daughter, I realized the difference. Cities makes no effort to be like anywhere else, each one embodied it’s own identity and uniqueness. While people, on the other hand will try to conform to those around them which is often subconscious. Most of us like the idea to be ‘true’ to ourselves but in the moment, almost like a reflex, we simple ‘go along to get along’ and conform with what everybody else is doing.
There were some series of experiments done by Psychologist Solomon Asch in the 1950s, that proved people have an innate tendency to conform to social pressure as they do not want to be viewed as “peculiar” or generally believe that others are more likely to be “correct”.
Surprisingly, this is also the one thing (more than anything) that makes us unnoticeable. When we conform with the crowd it makes us just like everyone else. It leaves nothing noteworthy about us.
If you truly want to be remarkable you must first learn how to be yourself; this means living authentically with a deep sense of who you are and what you have to offer.
Knowing your value — To leave an impression on the people we meet, we must first leave an impression on ourself. This begins with our inner thoughts. There is a famous saying that goes “as a person sows, so shall they reap.” When a farmer plants a particular type of seed in the ground they expect it to produce a plant that comes from that seed. The same principal is true with our thoughts. When we fill our mind with seeds of comparison and negativity, we produce feelings of inadequacy. Likewise, when we fill our mind with seeds of positivity, we cultivate feelings of worth and value. This is a timeless truth that will always produce the same results. Whatever we plant in our minds, we will reap in our thoughts. Begin each day with gratitude : No matter what is going on in your life, you can always find something to be grateful for. Guard our mind : Have a “mental secretary” who can accept and reject information. This allows us to be intentional about what occupies our precious mental space. Affirm our potential : Whenever you approach a new situation or challenge, don’t just see it through the lens of our current capabilities, also see it through our potential. We will find that when we affirm our ability to grow and become better, we shrug off public opinion and self doubt, which actually allows us to become our best self.
Forming Authentic Relationship — There are generally two types of people in our life: those who make deposits, and those who make withdrawals. Deposits Makers : These are our core tribe. They are those rare and treasured people who pour into us and add value to our lives. You can be vulnerable with them (and they with us) because our relationships are built on mutual trust. They genuinely care about us and show it by engaging with us on things that matter to us. These are the people who realize our potential and encourage us to walk in it. Withdrawal Seekers : These are the people in our life who make withdrawals. They are those negative people who constantly discourage us. They tell us to give up on our dreams simply because they gave up on theirs. They have no interest in engaging with us on our accomplishments and milestones, but rather prefer to belittle them or ignore them all-together. The ironic part is, the people who are usually bold enough to act this way toward us are typically those closest to us. They are our relatives, our acquaintances, even our so-called “friends”. To form authentic relationships we must seek out the “deposit makers” in our life. When our core tribe is filled with these people we will thrive. Each day we will realize more of our potential and increasingly walk in it.
Making Authentic Decisions — To make decisions that are authentic to your true self, you must first have a firm grasp of who your true self is. Our values are the “north star” of our decisions. They are those constant markers that remind us of who we are and where we are headed. The trouble comes when we make decisions — not based on our values — but based on public opinion, our circumstances, or what “everyone else” does. When we do this, we are not being true to who we are, but merely reacting to the world around us. To make authentic decisions we must let our values shape our actions, our actions become our habits, and our habits become our character. When our character is consistent with our values, making authentic decisions becomes second nature.
Values: Your values are what is important to you regardless of your circumstances.
Actions: Your actions are what you consciously do.
Habits: Your habits are your subconscious behaviors — what you do without even thinking about it.
Character: Your character is your true self.
Just a few days ago, I attended an event, where the participants were all so free without hesitation in participating in Disco Yoga and Laughter Yoga, it was so much fun and we all laughed and moved with the music for the rest of the evening. Looking back, many years before, there would be moments that you and I would have encountered — we would want to join in the fun but also didn’t want to appear weird or be “on the spot” or look funny. As a result, we would play it safe and stay in our chair. Sounds familiar?
This is an example, it highlights something central to why we “play it safe” or “step in” during so many situations. The difference is one thing: our confidence.
When we are confident we step in, when we are not we play it safe.
When you find yourself “blending in” with the crowd in a particular situation and you know deep down that you are not being authentic, ask yourself the question, “Why am I not confident enough to be myself?”.
This will make you aware of when you are conforming with the crowd and empower you to take small steps to move out of your comfort zone. Over time — just like in the “seed” analogy — those small steps will grow into giant leaps.
Then you will not only know who you are, but you will also be who you are. Since there are so many people “following the herd” out there, when you decide to follow your own path you will look, feel, and be different from everyone else. That is why this is the one thing (more than anything) that will make you remarkable in every way!
Find your authentic self — each of us are a beautiful soul :)
Peace and Love to all 💞
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